Your story, Tori Louise Pollard, is my story too.

There were two things I wanted in my birth story; first, I wanted to go into labor on my own and secondly, not to have antibiotics...neither happened. 

 

When we first found out we were pregnant, we decided that we would see our family doctor for this pregnancy/labor.  I loved every minute of the care there.  The nurse was great, doc was great...until he told me he was leaving on July 3rd for two weeks.  My due date, July 4th.  I jokingly told him, he was in big trouble.  I knew at that moment I was either going to have to be induced before he left or have her without him...both happened, even with the best of my planning abilities. 

 

I finally decided to go ahead with the induction, but ONLY if we could get the same nurse we had with Ailee.  After trying 3 different days, we finally settled on the 31st only to be bumped to the next day due to an overwhelming amount of mommas in labor.  Which meant, no Carol...

 

 

 

 

We arrived at the hospital at 9:30am on July 1st.  Yes, a scheduled induction.  I'll never know what it's like to go into labor, but that's okay...

11am: Penicillin

1:40pm: cytotec

3pm: antibiotic

5:55pm: cytotec

6:40pm penicillin

7-8pm: elevated heart rate of baby due to second dose of cytotec

9pm: MY WATER BROKE...ON IT'S OWN...

 

Because of the slow start on my labor, I got exactly what I wanted, Carol, as my nurse.

This is where the story really begins.  It was a feeling I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain.  But the best way to describe it was like two clicks and all of the sudden a rushing wave of fluid.

Really it's not about the play by play at this point, it was about embracing the contractions that would bring my baby girl into this world.  The one I've been waiting to meet for 9.5 VERY long months.  I was ready to study her face, every detail.  Her nose, her eyes, hold those precious toes and kiss a million times the face I had, up to that point, only dreamt about.  I knew it was the real deal.  My mindset changed and I knew it was go time.  I reached for my phone and immediately put on the Pandora stations I had set up for this very moment.  My phone rested on the pillow right next to me.  The room went from casual chit chat to complete silence.  My MIL, who left 5 minutes before, was called to return, and Jeff began his rhythmic fan waving. 

 

My amazingly generous friend, Jayna, arrived around 9:30 and began capturing my story, Tori's story, through her lens. 

 

 

 

I had never had any pain meds in my other deliveries, but this time I said yes to fentanyl.  It was just what I needed to regroup after each intense, powerful and life giving contraction.  At 9:40ish,  I was only at 3cm...much to my disappointment. 

 

 

Although, I still knew in my gut it was happening and happening soon.  I breathed through each oh so very painful squeeze of my whole mid-section and held on for dear life to the rail on the bed. 

 

 

With all the strength I could muster, I asked our nurse if she had called the doc...she said she hadn't yet.  I received one more dose of the pain meds, only to tell her mid-way of her administering it that this baby is coming and she's coming now.  I could feel the pressure of her head dropping and I knew.  I looked Carol in the eyes and I said, "please don't stop me, I know he's not here, but you can do this."  Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a midwife walk in (the same one who delivered Ailee).  She said she could be an extra set of hands.  With seconds to spare, she put on her gloves and threw some stuff around to try to be ready to catch our girl.  One more contraction, I heard Carol say, in one push, this baby will be out.  Those last seconds are a bit of a blur, but I do remember her putting oxygen on me cause she saw our girl's heart rate dropping.  I delivered her head, and I hear the same words as my last delivery...don't push anymore.  I pause and realize they are clamping the cord and cutting it right there...again.  Within seconds, the next contraction comes and I am able to push her all the way out. 

10:25pm

 

 

They lifted her up and I got to take that first amazing locked look and I memorize her face.  I was desperate to see a healthy baby.  I did...I thought...but then they took her away before I could take her all in.  I think I heard her make a few squeaks, so I felt better, but she wasn't breathing...  I kept asking Jeff, what's going on?  Is she okay?  He looked at me with the most honesty and courage a man could gather, he said, I don't know if she's okay...I don't know. 

You gotta go find out, I said.

Carol was giving her compressions and the other nurse was holding the oxygen, she was also given an anti-narcotic shot because the fentanyl was given so closely to her birth.

 

 

 

At that moment our doctor walked in and took over our sweet baby's care.  He adjusted her oxygen and literally within seconds, she took off on her own.  We had some amazing moms who prayed like crazy for her life.  Thank you, Jesus, for hearing all our prayers.  Her apgar scores were 2,5 and 8.  Jeff also brought back video to my bed showing me that she was responding well and breathing on her own.  That's a good man. 

 



 

Finally, I got my girl.  I stared at her and continually kissed her face.  I studied all of her.  I'm in love.  She's perfect.  I can't get enough.

 



 

My heart overflows. I made it, she made it.

 



 

Here's a great man that endured my pregnancy and her crazy birth.

 



 



 



See I had to examine every detail...

and hold those toes.

There will always be a special place in my heart for this woman.  She did it again.

Daddy already loves her,

and so does Mema.

I couldn't get enough.  My eyes were glued.  She's finally here.  She's even more perfect than I even imagined.

 

Little lady, your story is just starting.  I'm excited to see what makes you, you.  This Momma is smitten, I'm so glad you are mine.  Well, I guess I'll share you.  You, my sweet girl had two very excited siblings who couldn't wait to see MEET you too.

 

 

THE NEXT DAY...

 



 

They love you.  That's for sure.  Griffin kissed and held you like he had already known you.  My heart was bursting just watching them embrace you.  If my calculations are correct, you have received around 61,001 kisses to date :)

 

 

If there was one thing I was uncertain of, it was how Ailee would process it all.  From the moment she saw you, she hasn't stopped asking if she can hold you, kiss you one more time, and always wanting to know where you are.  I feel like you have brought out a side of her I never knew... 

 



 

and it's a beautiful thing.

 



 

She's a natural.

 



 

Griffin, too, loves you.  He especially loves to kiss you.  He does his own thing, but always makes time to come see you, smile at you, and lay a huge smooch right on you. 

 



 



 

Holy moly, we have THREE kids :)

 



 

Tori Lou, you are ours and we hold tightly to the gift that we've been given.  We know our lives are fragile and we trust the One who gave you to us with your life.  Your beauty has this momma's heart amazed and in awe of our creator.  Your one white patch of hair is truly a reminder that He knows you and made every detail of you.  May you grow to know Him and love Him as your daddy and I do.  So thankful you are here...

Baby girl almost here...

Thank you thank you thank you to Jayna for taking these photos for us.  I debated on having them done, because she had already painted a watercolor of me, BUT I'm so glad I did.  I hardly edited them, I knew it was more important to get them on here than to never get it done.  I have to give total props to our kiddos.  They were amazing, even Mae who has a bit of sassy side was extra workable.  With a combo of the light and the kids totally working with us, it was a great night.  We ended the night at Cold Stone :)

 

 

 With this being our last "planned" pregnancy, I really tried to savor the kicks, hiccups, and movements or our growing girl inside.  I'm not great at being pregnant, I'll be honest.   The first half is full of sickness and exhaustion, the second half is what I've called being flat lined.  I'm not myself, blah, tired and can't play with my kids.  I miss the me I know. 

 

 

My family dealt well with it all.  The kids prayed for me every night and my hubs took up ALL the slack.  Jeff was amazing, he put the kids the bed alone for months, and most of all loved me when I could give nothing. As I look back over my pregnancy (written after her birth), I'm really glad it's over, but mostly I'm in love with our girl and blessed with her health.  No, I don't want to do it again, but it truly is a miracle to look into her eyes and know she was in there all the while. 

 

 

I had a 9 week ultrasound for a little peace of mind.  I wanted to know that I was going through the worst of it for a reason...sure enough there was her heart, beating away...steady and strong.  I didn't know her of course, she looked like a peanut back then, but she grew into who we know now as our daughter.  I had a few scares along the way.  Everyone says that at they felt their 3rd super early, me? nothing.  I didn't feel her move until after 20 weeks.  I even went in just to hear her heartbeat at 18 weeks.  Sure enough, beating strong again. 

 

 

The following week, at 19 weeks along, we got to see her.  The memory that sticks out the most is seeing her lick her lips.  I was in awe, yet still anxious about her health.  We also discovered that the placenta was located right in front, which made it more difficult to feel her move.  I worried that she had low muscle tone, but this gave me some peace of mind.  Pregnancy is so nerve wracking.  We also shockingly found out our third child was a girl.  With certainty we were ready to see those boy parts...nope, our future showed a beautiful sister/daughter for our family. 

 

 

and "boy" are we thankful for her.

 

 

One other part of my pregnancy sticks out to me...a few loyal friends.  There were meals delivered, kids taken care of, and times they let me just sit and zone out while they fixed me food and took care of me.  I wasn't sweet or all that friendly, but they loved me through it.  I learned a lot about serving through Martha and Loleeta.  These two were my rocks.  My safe place to fall, and I love them for loving me when I couldn't love back.  My "other" mom, (Jeff's mom) was also super consistent and took my kids EVERY Wednesday, and oh how I looked forward to that day every week, to sleep or do what I couldn't do with two kids in tow. 

 

 

I must say, reflecting back, it's a miracle, the whole thing.  These 3 pregnancies have made me a stronger woman and clearly a stronger mother.  I'm grateful for all 3 experiences.  I loved feeling them move inside of me, all three had wonderful hiccups, and I am forever changed and blessed to have carried them to term.  My body is forever changed as well.  I'm maturing into appreciating that part ;)

 

My kids, the big ones, they get a sister.  Each one will have a completely different relationship with her.  I'm excited that I get to see that grow and turn into a lifelong relationship.  My Mae, she gets a sister.  Will they stand next to each other on their wedding days?  Will they share clothes, experiences, stories, life...heart ache and mountain tops? That's my prayer.  I know they will fight, but will it bring them to realize how much they really love one another?  I am beyond thrilled to watch them grow.  And my boy, he's so excited to have her here.  He's a lover.  I like to say he's known for his drive by kisses.  He's got a big job, to protect TWO little sisters.  I know he's up for the job.  I love that God planned for him to be the oldest.  They are lucky to have him.  He also knew that our new little one was a girl WAY before that 19 week ultrasound.  He just knew and was totally fine with it.  I know they will look up to him for many things. G, lead them well, lead them well. 

 

 

Baby girl, we love you and you were worth EVERY second of this pregnancy :)