Bitin'

I've been bitin' HARD by the Kelle.Hampton bug.  Every time I sit down to read I get sucked in for hours.  Her title is, "enjoying the small things" and oh does she ever.  The thing I love most...well the whole thing, but the way she photographs her kids. Constantly! and the way she writes about how they come first and how her heart has been forever changed by the two lives she's been given. 

I've always wanted to be a mom.  It's my heart's cry.  I love my role.  I can honestly say, this is the most content I've ever been.  I've arrived. 

I gave up on it, in my head, there for a few short years while in college.  My parents divorced when I was 5, leaving me in a world of unknown territory.  I became someone that I'm certain I was never intended to be.  A bit harder around the edges and a tom-boy to gain the acceptance of my older brother.  Before there were ballet classes, concerts given by me for anyone who filled our house, dolls...(oh the love of baby dolls!), a free spirit, pink, you name it.  It was gone for awhile, but...

                                        

I found it again, in a little soul sister with HUGE blue eyes and shares my last name.  Ailee Mae, you are changing my world.  Oh sweet thing, so much for the better.  I want to show you what it means to be a woman, to love all things feminine.  The best thing is sisterhood.  Oh the things you'll do with your girls.  My prayer for you, right now: to find DEAR DEAR girlfriends. 


Photo by caryn ahern :-)



My relationship with my mom has never been better.  We've been working through the stuff that sucks you down and with joyful tears coming out the other side.  I'm certain, honesty heals and for that I'm thankful.  My mom, without a doubt, is the soulest of sisters to me!

My dad, that too has come to a place of growth.  It started with the birth of our first-born, son.  (More on that little man later and how he carries my heart).  The other day, I got a text from him saying, "daughter, I love you"  that's it, but that's all it needed to say.  In those few short words, I read: I'm proud, I miss you, I love you and I wish I was there.  It made my day.

I must say, there was someone else who really paved the way to me finding my heart, my femininity and my desire for family.  My love, my husband:  Jeffery.



photos by Danie Koskan

He deserves a hundred posts of his own, but let me just say, he never lost faith and he was always there for me.  This may seem crazy, but dating sucked and our marriage is fabulous.  We really learned to work through some heavy stuff in those first few years.  It does make for incredible communication and deep friendship and love for each other. 

i LOVE photography.  i LOVE my kids...
As far back as I can remember, my mom would seize the moment and never miss a "photo op."  Mostly I remember because we would be stopping traffic, trespassing, or arriving late to wherever we were going.  I eventually got over the embarrassment of her timing and grew to admire her work.  Although my Mom's passion is more on the nature side and mine is children, I love that she has shared with me such a fulfilling art form. 

My love has recently grown in the awareness of the "small things."  As a photographer, I love seeing parents faces when, as one client said, "I've fallen in love with him all over again."  That's our goal, isn't it?  To bring about a response that causes more love.  I've arrived.

I'm relearning and tapping into my more "free spirited" side.  The kind that LOVES leg warmers and tights on chubby thighs.  The kind that has tears rolling down my face when I see my 5 month old in a tutu.  I just sit and dream about the day she too has her first ballet class, where both her daddy and I are beaming with pride.  I'm doing and saying things I never thought possible.
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And to think I was scared to have a daughter.  Would I have what it takes to raise her to be the woman her heart is calling her to be?  I've let most of those fears go and trusted from DEEP down what I know to be true of womanhood.  These little people bring so much out of us.  I don't think I realized until recently how much I need them.  They are like therapy for my soul. 

I certainly won't be using any repellent when I comes to ideas of fun things to do with them, how to love them more deeply, and how to photograph these crazy-short few years before they grow up.  And as Kelle puts it, to "suck the marrow" out of this time, this day.  "Bloom where you are freakin' planted."  Although, Florida does sound nice right about now with the below zero temps we've been having. 

It's the best "book" for me at this time, and the greatest part, it never ends.  Thank you, Kelle for being so vulnerable , real and...okay, a bit wild.  I'm workin' on it. 

Griffin and Ailee...may you always know your Momma is crazy about you.